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While the weather wasn’t cold enough to sport my orange and blue hoodie, I nevertheless felt like an honorary Gator a few weeks ago at a talk hosted by the University of Florida’s College of Journalism and Communications. The event featured Mónica Guzmán, whose many roles include being a senior fellow for public practice at Braver Angels. As a fan both of that cross-partisan grassroots organization and of podcasts, I was familiar with Mónica’s work via a conversation she’d had last year with Glenn Beck — an episode I’d shared with my AirBnB host in Georgia after we had a candid and curious chat, both knowing we’d not voted the same way in the last several elections.

That afternoon in Gainesville, an ideologically diverse group gathered to hear Mónica’s thoughts on constructive discourse across political and ideological lines in an era marked by growing skepticism of the integrity of media and the proliferation of disinformation. As a former member of the media, she noted that a journalist’s job is to be “a mirror to society” by sharing stories that reflect our reality.

Recently, that mirror seems to have shattered, and most of us are seeing only reflections in small shards; we don’t hear the larger narrative, and our stereotypes are keeping us from really seeing each other.

That’s putting it kindly...

To be more blunt, curiosity is a muscle, and right now, many of us are mental couch potatoes when it comes to our political divides.

In short, Mónica posits that curious conversations can address skepticism and counteract disinformation while also boosting civic engagement. Seven points about having those conversations stuck with me, which I summarize below, but I encourage you to make time to listen to the discussion directly as well.

1. Make Space for this Exercise

Curiosity, Mónica explained, is “filling in the gap between what you know and what you want to know” — which means we need to make space for wantingto know more. Certainty and assumptions are “curiosity killers,” as is fear.While fear can be a “superpower that keeps us safe,” in moments we feel afraid, our minds focus on that fear and shut down faculties to connect with anyone else from a place of openness and curiosity.

Recognize your fear and reluctance, then make space to be brave and curious.

2. Crosstrain

Using “red” and “blue” as shorthand for our political parties, you’ve likely heard that red areas of the country are growing redder and blue areas are bluer. While there’s something to be said for being around people who understand us and where we feel comfortable and understood, our physical separation leads to what Mónica called a lack of “spontaneous collisions” with those from “the other side.” Given how vastly we all tend to exaggerate misperceptions of “the other side,” our blind spots can become dangerously large. If we stay only amongst “our people,” that won’t change.

Recognize when you’re only having comfortable conversations and look for ways to get out of your comfort zone.

3. Do Your Own Heavy Lifting. Don’t Let Someone Else Do the Work for You

Among the many phrases that stood out to me in the conversation was: “We’re judging each other more but engaging each other less.” Part of the problem is that our information doesn’t come directly from “the other side” but from an intermediary. Think about it: when was the last time you spoke to a real person who holds beliefs that differ from yours?

These days, we get what Mónica called “Isn’t this crazy?” messages; the information we see that counters our beliefs comes packaged in a way designed to make fun of the other side. Instead of thoughtful discussions of other views, we see memes and posts that affirm our assumption that “the other side” is nuts, and we pass along to other like-minded friends to share our laugh (or rage). This is passing along an argument “with the ammo to shoot it down built-in.”

Recognize when a view of the “other side” already tells you what to think without reflecting on anything of substance.

4. Rest Between Sets

We live in an information hurricane. The news cycle is 24/7, despite the fact newsrooms are shrinking, and journalists’ jobs are increasingly challenging. As Mónica noted, many reporters are talking to politicians and seeking a sound bite. This “talking to microphones” doesn’t emphasize curiosity, nor does it give us insight into real people and real perspectives.

To make matters worse, our ability to scroll scroll scroll through infinite content on any platform all day, every day, doesn’t exactly encourage time to reflect on what we’re seeing. Despite all of this information, we’re too often lacking accurate information about other people. If you watch nothing else from this video, listen to the example just over 19 minutes in.

Recognize when you need a break from media (including social media) and ask yourself: “What am I believing that simply isn’t true?”

5. Do Solo Workouts

The public nature of social media doesn’t encourage space for thoughtful conversations or openness to learning, which means it may not be the best place to begin to flex your curiosity muscles. Instead, try reading news from the “other side” on your own, asking yourself: “What are the deeper concerns that fuel this perspective? What do people fear? What are they trying to protect?”

Recognize the power of practicing curiosity on your own to get a sense of the questions you could be asking and what you don’t yet know.

6. Ask “How,” Not “Why?”

Anyone familiar with bridging divides knows the first step is not trying to convince someone to agree with you; seeking to immediately change someone else is a non-starter. Instead, seek first to understand them.

Begin by asking how they came to believe what they believe. “Why” prompts defensiveness while “how” prompts their personal story.

When it’s your turn to speak, consider something like: “I see it differently. Can I tell you what I mean?” and continue to try to understand each other.

Recognize that helpful conversations start with curiosity, not judgment.

7. Gradually Increase the Weight

Some divides across the country feel awfully big these days. The good news is you don’t have to bridge them all in one fell swoop. Start with shorter bridges. (And if talking to the “other side” feels like building a bridge with the devil, take a listen around 38 minutes.)

Recognize the difference between ideas and people and the fact you don’t have to understand or reach all at once.

I promised seven tips from the conversation, but I need to add an eighth:

8. Be Radical

Earlier this year, I launched Stories Change Power based in "radical values," with radical meaning:

It’s no surprise my ears perked up at the mention of being “radically curious across gaping cultural, social, and political divides.” I hear “Radical Curiosity” as a way to get to the root of what still connects us. Ridding ourselves of what’s become usual now — disagreements and judgment — and making some fundamental changes that help us understand each other sounds great to me — so much so I’m considering amending our seven values to be eight.

You’ve read this far and I’m curious what you think. How does Radical Curiosity sound to you — and how could it show up in your life?

(Photo credit: Lars Blankers on Unsplash)