October 31, 2024

After last week’s webinar on preserving your wellbeing while working on urgent issues, Krista Padgett graciously joined a bonus session with our current Learning Community that we’ve taken to calling “the after party.” The conversation that unfolded captures the magic of our communities: learning with and from each other means hearing a wide array of perspectives and understanding experiences far beyond your own. Not infrequently, this combination of sharing and listening transforms our thinking in real time.

As we count down the days to the end of voting in the United States’ most contentious presidential election in recent history, I’m pausing to share a transformation of my own – a real “a ha!” moment – with hope you find it helpful on Tuesday, November 5, and every day beyond, regardless of the outcome of this election.

In the weeks before the webinar, I’d been part of several conversations in pro-democracy spaces about citizenship. We’re discussing citizenship not as an immigration status, but rather a question of “how can I help this country live up to its great ideals?” I didn’t expect a conversation about work to be the place I’d find an answer.

Let me explain:

During “the after party,” we dug into how easily advocacy can fuel workaholism. “How can I possibly take a break,” the thinking goes, “when the problems we’re addressing so urgently need solutions?” “How can I step away from work when people recovering from disaster, escaping violence, or experiencing poverty cannot simply ‘step away’ from those challenges?” In addition to grappling with advocacy work, we noted the challenges of searching for such jobs. (People join our Learning Communities both to deepen their impact in current roles and to develop skills to qualify for new positions.) Job hunting can mean spending hours on cover letters, resumes, and outreach only to not receive a single response; job hunting is one of those necessary tasks that can feel like an energy Black Hole.

THREE TYPES OF WORK

From this brief but intense conversation, including Krista’s insight into the causes of burnout, three types of work emerged. I’ll refer to these as External Results, External Uncertainty, and Internal Introspection:

1) External Results: This type of work is externally focused and produces tangible/visible results, meaning something to show for your effort. Ideally, the results are long-term and meaningful but may simply be checking off a “to do” list, responding to an email, or attending a meeting. Whether the work is proactive or reactive, this is a space where workaholics and perfectionists live, aiming never to leave a teammate hanging, an email unanswered, or a project undone. There’s a sense of “effort in / results out” with this work; it feels productive and gives you “something to show for my effort,” even if that “something” ultimately may be burnout.

2) External Uncertainty: This type of work is the potential “energy Black Hole” as the results are out of our control. We can do everything “right,” yet ultimately have nothing tangible to show for our efforts. This is the stuff of job searches, client seeking, fundraising, and other big undertakings never fully checked off the “to do” list.” Advocacy writ large often lives in this category; we undertake the elements of our day-to-day strategy (and get short-term results), even as there’s no guarantee our efforts will yield the change we wish to see in the world. The results of this type of work could be huge - or they could be hugely disappointing. This work is the stuff of uncertainty, and you don’t need me to tell you how much humans dislike uncertainty.

3) Internal Introspection: Unlike the first two, this third type of work is purely internal. It’s not about connecting with others; it’s about connecting with ourselves. This work is the stuff of understanding ourselves – of examining beliefs we hold and asking why we hold them. This is recognizing the stories we tell ourselves (as in how we make sense of the world) and rewriting those stories where needed. As Krista made clear, this is work that only we and we alone can do. Ideally, it’s work that people around us support, but in the end, it’s individual work. We can also thoroughly and completely ignore this work throughout our lives – and many people do.

THE THIRD CORNER

During our conversation, the image of these realms of work as corners of a triangular room came to mind. I could picture times in my life when the third area gathered enough dust and cobwebs to rival current Halloween displays as I spent my days firing off emails and staying busy busy busy during all waking hours.

Happily, in more recent years, I began to spend time in that third corner. When in late 2015 I signed up for a week of silent meditation, I didn’t fully appreciate how I’d be putting myself in an intense “time out” in that corner, but I’m now deeply grateful. That retreat jumpstarted the process of clearing out cobwebs in the form of unexamined assumptions, hidden biases, and recognizing just how limited my singular experience of life is.

I once had a fridge magnet that read, “Sure I have emotional baggage, but it’s really cute and it matches.” Funny, yes? But also false. When I started unpacking my own baggage, I realized how often a seemingly small suitcase expanded, how extra compartments hid other compartments, and occasionally found a collapsable bag or three.

And why not? As we talked about in our April webinar about political psychology, the way we’re raised has everything to do with how we see the world. And that’s not to criticize how anyone was raised. Our experience needn’t be wrong, it may just be limited. A person who grew up one of six children in a northern rural town raised by strict and involved parents will develop distinctly different views than an only child raised in a big city in the South by indulgent but absent parents. Layer onto that influences like religion, race, ethnicity, and myriad other factors and we’re all left with countless lenses on the world to inspect if we want to understand how we came to be the people we are.

Which is to say “baggage” isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After all, we need things as we travel, including on life’s journey. It’s when we don’t know what we’re dragging around – or if we’re hauling things we don’t need – that we get in trouble.

In the years since I started “unpacking,” particularly in the throes of the COVID pandemic, I’ve learned that work in this third corner can be challenging, rewarding, and uncertain, and is most certainly a lifelong undertaking. I’ve also come to appreciate how critical internal introspection is to EVERYTHING we do – including, and perhaps particularly, in how we citizen.

Yes, “citizen” is a verb.

Earlier this week, I raised a glass toward my computer screen as a community leader in Connecticut raised a beer to hers, a Braver Angel in Texas raised a beer to his, and someone driving promised to later participate in our virtual toast. We were celebrating our completion of a short video telling the inspiring story of two women who brought their community in Connecticut together to discuss a controversial issue. In the midst of careful planning, they learned that someone with a history of violence would attend. Even that clear threat did not deter them from hosting a civil, productive, and fun(!) gathering.

These two citizen leaders are impressive. I could go on at length about their facilitation skills, experience in addressing complex issues, and the intentionality with which they ensured all voices involved were heard and respected.

But what was most impressive?

Their HUMILITY.

Nowadays it can seem like the loudest voices have the most power. Those voices may tell us that when threatened by “the other side,” we should dig into our own views more firmly. They also say that owning our mistakes or admitting we don’t know everything is weak. They suggest power is taking over spaces and shouting to force others to hear you.

In fact, real power begins with listening. Real power comes from seeking to understand others. Real power is knowing we don’t have to always be right. When we’ve done our internal work, we show up to our external work confident in our own worth and the worthiness of our cause. Real power also recognizes everyone’s worth and puts ego aside to prioritize the greater good.

Perhaps that sounds “squishy” to you? Or even partisan? Happily, it’s neither.

In conversations with fellow Braver Angels, I’ve heard “Reds” matter-of-factly share, “I’ve learned I’m a bad listener,” and “Blues” admit “I realize I’ve been really judgmental.” After that type of self-reflection, they’ve gone on to have productive conversations with “the other side.” Like it or not, we all share the same planet and same future, so co-existing with “the other side” is a matter of survival.

For the past many months, we’ve been hyper focused on the national level – and rightly so because leadership is critically important. But we must not abdicate our own role as citizen leaders. We have a choice: know your worthiness alongside your limitations, own your power to impact the lives of those around your, and live with humility and kindness. Or live feeling fearful, angry, or judgmental – or all of the above.

As Krista said, wherever you go, there you are. Whether at work, in your religious community, in your bowling league, your wine/book/tennis club, in the grocery store, or in the voting booth, there you are.

No matter what happens after next Tuesday, one thing is certain: we will need citizen leaders to keep our neighborhoods, communities, and country together.

This is not the time to pack our bags and leave.

It is time to unpack our baggage and lead.

- Piper Hendricks, CEO

(Image of antique luggage by Eliyah Reygaerts.)