October 2024

As an oldest child raised in the U.S. South in a religion known for reservedness, bland coffee, and casseroles made with equal parts cheese and love, I learned quickly that I should think of other people before I think about myself. It seemed normal – admirable even – to support others while never putting them out by asking for support myself.

Layer onto that my cusping into a generation that prides itself for its work ethic without a counterbalancing pride in anything beyond work and trouble starts brewing stronger than that bland coffee.

Fold in a career path in law, human rights, and advocacy – all focused on intractable problems urgently needing complex solutions – and you have the makings of workaholism. Briskly mix those for decades and it’s a recipe for burnout.

Today, I recognize support needn’t be a one-way street, determination can reach unhealthy levels, and a lack of balance is unhealthy for everyone. That’s a key reason the professional development programs built around Stories Change Power’s nine rights framework account for personal wellness.

“Wellness” includes emotional wellness, meaning an “awareness, understanding, and acceptance of your emotions, and your ability to manage effectively through challenges and change.” By definition, working in advocacy is working on challenges and amidst change. Advocacy focuses on a problem you believe can be solved, but the road to that solution can feel long, uphill, and often circuitous.

Put another way: advocacy can be exhausting.

October is Emotional Wellness Month. In 2024 in the United States, it’s also a matter of weeks before a presidential election that roughly 3 in 4 U.S. adults say will determine the fate of U.S. democracy. Which means, as advocates across the country will tell you, this year feels even more intense.

I hope to help in two ways:

1) Reframing a common phrase for my fellow workaholic advocates; and

2) Hosting a webinar open to everyone to learn more from an expert on burnout.

REFRAMING AN UNHELPFUL PHRASE

There’s a phrase stubbornly circulating in workplaces and conversations around the country: “put your own oxygen mask on first.” While a well-intentioned response to increasing rates of burnout during the pandemic, the accompanying social reckonings, and ongoing national and international turmoil, this phrase belongs on airplanes, not in staff meetings.

Why?

Because it invokes “the F word:” first.

Many advocates already work like it’s a matter of life-or-death – and for issues like disaster response, death penalty cases, or domestic violence, for example – it is. Which doesn’t make the metaphor from an another life-or-death situation relevant — it makes that metaphor worse. An advocate’s job is to care about the well-being of others. The more senior they are at an organization, the more people to account for, including clients, community, and your team members. That responsibility can feel like even more reason to ignore your own needs — after all, in the words of Simon Sinek: “leaders eat last.”

So, an expression that explicitly tells advocates to put themselves first may have as much impact as using a marshmallow to hit a nail: it’s messy and frustrating, and likely to hurt. At best, those words can sound like “others can wait while you take care of yourself.” At worst, an advocate might hear “ignore other people even if they, too, are gasping to breathe.”

For people whose job – formally or informally – is supporting other people, another expression is far more effective:

“You cannot pour from an empty cup.”

In theory, the two metaphors mean the same thing, but one lands like a feather instead of a lead balloon. Even typing the words “you cannot pour from an empty cup” makes me pause, take a breath deep into my lungs, and exhale with ease. I understand these words. I feel these words. I can live these words. This expression (as well as the similar “you cannot serve from an empty vessel”) takes us out of a plane that’s about to plummet from the sky and into a cozy kitchen where someone can no longer take a sip of warm tea because their cup is empty.

Before you can give, you must have something to give.

That isn’t selfish; that is fact.

But if you’ll allow me one more metaphor, it’s important to recognize that humans, unlike teacups, shouldn’t ever be empty. Whether you think of your “energy,” “reserves,” “personal battery,” or anything else, we can all agree that being depleted – i.e., burned out – is unhealthy. Personally, I think in terms of a soul (perhaps inspired by one of the best Pixar films yet?) and living on “souler power.” Which is why I aim to monitor that power like that of a cell phone in three ways:

1) Don’t let your own “battery” get too low lest you get stranded in an emergency;

2) Don’t let yourself reach 0% because, emergency or not, it’s not good for your long-term health; and

3) Pay attention to “low power” signals and recharge before you’re fully depleted.

In short, talk of oxygen masks or putting myself first makes my ears “power off.” In contrast, the image of refilling cups and recharging batteries helps me prioritize emotional wellness, which is critical to sustaining work that supports others without burning out.

OUR WEBINAR ON BURNOUT PREVENTION 

The good news: burnout is avoidable. The October webinar in our free monthly series focused on intentional steps to build a work environment that sustains rather than depletes you. Watch the recording to learn six elements that keep you engaged and energized, and actions you can take now to have a healthier relationship with work.

I’m curious, does any of this resonate with you? Have you used or heard these expressions at work? Were they useful? Have you heard other expressions that were meant to be helpful but just weren’t? If you can relate, please send us a comment so we can learn together. 

- Piper Hendricks, CEO

(Photo of two people sharing tea by Zeynep Sümer.)